Garden of Tears

Oh, ow, my heart hurts today. Many tears. A deluge of emotion I have held inside came rushing through this week like a furious flood. I didn't hold it all in on purpose, mind you. I don't seem to know how NOT to hold things in. I prefer to hide.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit seems to know when it's cryin' time again. My friend Daisy Mae always said tears hint at the presence of the Spirit. No doubt. I am healed through my tears. They never happen on cue for me, and are usually inconvenient, but are always right on time.

I've been in such a creative place lately, and the creative existence has a way of opening up my heart. It is such an honest place, pure and raw.

It's funny how the crazier I feel, the more sane I am - I hope. Emotions are a gift from God, and I guess that's what this amounts to, emotions. Emotions are there, whether you know it or accept it or acknowledge it or not. It takes great effort to stuff uncomfortable emotions. It makes you crazy, makes you act out, or take things out on the wrong people.

We women are known for our emotions. We artistic types are excused in our eccentricities by them. How ironic, since no human is exempt.   Well, anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I'm crying over everything today. Maybe my heart is getting ready for another Gethsemane. I feel so aware. I feel so connected. I feel so devastated by the pain and sorrow in this world. I feel.

I'm sure looking forward to Easter Sunday. Lord Jesus, give me the strength to stay and pray with you until then.

Matthew 26:36-46

Much love,
Kim

                                          

Do You Think We Need Heroes?

I thought this was an interesting post: 

Brain food: the psychology of heroism (The Guardian) psychotherapy: Of all the virtues, heroism is now the most remote. Heroes are either mythic or historical characters (Achilles or Gandhi) or they are superhuman (Spider-Man, or even 9/11 firefighters). What they are not is one of us. Our age has role models and it has celebrities, but it has no room for heroes. Fighting to revive heroism is Philip Zimbardo, the septuagenarian who is probably the most famous living psychologist in the world…
So,do you think we need heroes? Maybe we've become a culture full of that evil little character in the animated movie, THE INCREDIBLES, too jealous of Superman to thank him. Trouble is, if everyone is a hero, nobody is.

I suspect we're just hungry for viable heroes.

I miss them. But if it's up to us all to be heroes, we'd better get busy. The world should be back to it's beautiful self again soon!

Check out 2 Peter 1:3 for a little food for thought on this subject.
Much Love,
Kim

The Ant and the Question

Evil, that which some personify as Satan, wants no questions asked. You would think he, it, would like our tough unanswerable questions. You would think it would be a leg up for evil that God has left so many things in the mystery. Faith is full of gaping holes. Intellectually, emotionally, biologically, every -ly there is only goes so far with sure answers before you have to shrug your shoulders and say, "I don't know."

It is God who loves questions.

"Bring it on!" the Bible declares on God's behalf from start to finish. "Bring on the questions." Of course, there is always a bottomless bottom line you discover but can't reach with every interrogation of the Holy. "I will be that which I will be," God says. "I AM that I AM."

Sometimes I AM not satisfied with that answer and I feel brave like Job, loved enough to get dangerous. To me questions are risky; to God I must look like a tiny ant trying to sneak off with a loaf of bread a trillion times bigger than me.

I think this little ant will never stop asking and seeking. Life is one big inquisitive picnic.

How about this one? Why are we here? The answer? To love. I think for today I'll just try to keep it that simple.

A Little Poetic Thought or Two about Motherhood

I don't know why there are so many dividing lines.
I, for example, am supposed to be "the mom." This in and of itself is a dividing line. I was supposed to step back when they were old enough to have new heros. Don't hurt, don't think, don't feel.
Sorry, I do all those things. I still remember day one.
I had expectations of sentimentality. I did not ruin them. Neither did my children. It was the ones who wanted what we had. The childless mothers, the angry ones, the greedy ones, the ones who perceived our vulnerabilities and came in for the kill.
They didn't win, though, and we are not ruined. I may not be a hero, but my love has not changed. It will never change. Neither did my children's.

I know way too much. Mom's always do.

The Pay-off of Forgiveness

Those who are forgiven much, love much.

The key to this is knowing you're forgiven. I think the hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it. We have hearts full of "I don't deserve this" or heads full of "this can't be real" and maybe even attitudes full of "I've done nothing wrong."

Something happens to you when you're "forgiven much." If you really embrace this idea, and know that you needed forgiveness, and were granted forgiveness, then you have it to give. You have to love yourself to let forgiveness in, you know, in a Godly sort of way. And if you love yourself like God loves you, you're not too threatened to love others with that same love and forgiveness.

I heard about forgiveness first from a Lutheran pastor who told me that those who are forgiven much, love much. It's in Luke chapter 7. He was paraphrasing. It worked. I got it.

Forgiveness pays off with love.

I've been forgiven much and I hope it's beginning to show.

Much love,
Kim